People Forget

And it sucks. Cause I can't keep reminding them. I don't WANT to keep reminding them. I need some to understand, but I can't keep explaining. I don't WANT to explain over and over.

People forget. And it's only normal. But there's gotta be something to be done about it. Should I put on a label? I hate labels. I don't like the idea of being labeled. Labels tend to he be defining, and THIS does not define me. But it's become a part of who (or more accurately HOW) I am, and I need it to be recognized and taken into consideration. Should I wear a bracelet? In time, it'll go unnoticed. And I don't need a constant reminder in my face, maybe nobody does. Maybe the idea of a reminder or a label is horrible, but what's the alternative?

People forget, and it kind of hurts. Cause people have expectations that I'm not completely up for. They get disappointed... They can even get angry... And I can't constantly explain and justify. And I worry that it'll be a broken record to some. So I zip my mouth sometimes. I tell myself to hold it. Don't say a word. It's getting boring, Hagar. And it's only been 2 years.

Speaking of, it IS exactly 2 years ago today. I didn't plan to write any of this shit today, the date just happened to coincide with how I feel. Two years today and it makes me wonder: If it's getting too boring to bring up today, how will it feel years from now? If I'm still alive 20 years from now, will I still have to explain myself and remind others that I have a chronic condition? That is if it's still invisible by then. I don't want to have to do this. And I hope to God it's never too visible in my lifetime either.

It's chronic, okay. It does not fully disappear. It does not go away. It's always there. Some days more than others. I'm not making shit up and I'm not using it as an excuse to get out of shit. It's legit, I promise. I hate having to explain this. I know I may need to inform some of you or help educate you with what I've learned myself, but it's taxing.. And I feel it's even a little humiliating to ask to be heard. But I do need to elaborate on energy levels and all the whole "spoon theory" shit, and how I start the day with a lot more energy that mostly fully evaporates by sundown. But even if I tell you all of that, will you remember it a year from now? A month? Next week? Ever? 

Will this ever change?