This hasn't been an easy week (in terms of shit I had to do and errands I had to run without actually achieving the purpose of those shitty errands). In fact, it hasn't been a good week for 2 weeks now. Or is it 3? I lost count. Or maybe I'd rather NOT count. Anyway, it wasn't an easy week, but I think I handled it better than I would have say 2 weeks ago. I mean... I'm still frustrated... but it's low key. It's not very dramatic. It's just mostly exhausting, but still less than before.
Am I getting used to this? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Do I WANT to get used to shit? I mean if I can't change it, if it's completely beyond my control, maybe I should get used to it so it won't take a toll on me every time? Running futile errands, doing them again the next day only to be told to come back again the week after... Is it better that it came as no complete shock and that I braced myself for the possibility? Or should I not be normalizing what shouldn't be normal?
Hagar pull your shit together. If you can't change it, you better not lose your sanity to it. Just... handle it. Like every other person probably would. Maybe.
I don't know what to rant about. There are those errands of course... then that evil stomach bug (if that's what it was).. the feeling that my intestines were held, twisted, and squeezed by giant grips... the waiting rooms and the painfully uncomfortable chairs... and of course there's my sweet lil' crab getting sick like he never had before in all his 7 and half years of life... and having to clean off vomit from a mattress among other things... and a newly adopted pet tortoise that's still getting used to his surroundings by abstaining from food... Then that fugly partially removed toenail in the background with its recurring annoyance that just refuses to come to an end... I won't even mention the outside factors that pile up on the bulk and sit on top of my extravagant shit pie like a cherry.
You know what? I don't feel like ranting about any of it right now (I kind of just did anyway). Today I feel a little blessed. Just a little. A tiny bit. I know I have a lot to worry about, but I'll save that for next week. And I hope it goes easy on me. I hope I'll have the will and mental state to handle it all gracefully and patiently if it doesn't run smoothly. I really just hope it goes easy on me. I could use a reminder that things don't always have to suck... a break of sorts.
And that toenail better fix itself. It's irritating. Just fucking move on already! (Speaking to the toenail).
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