drip drip drop

So lately my focus is shit. I forget to do things I used to easily do on autopilot. I repeat things I say minutes after I've said them only to realize it half-way. And I often catch myself unable to think clearly or finish a thought; my mind draws a blank or reaches conclusions I KNOW are not right. 

I know I have a lot on my mind, and it feels like I'm juggling tasks and plans and thoughts and priorities and mundane distractions, so maybe I should go easy on myself if my attention span is almost non-existent. But I really don't like it. I'm not really used to it. Not like this. 

I always used to take pride in my mental/intellectual capabilities, and I'd joke about getting dumber but I most always knew what I am: among many other things (good and bad), I'm smart. So I feel that pang when I act dumb or irrational or spaced out. I feel it, I recognize it, and I try to justify it to myself. But the frequency of it lately feels unprecedented... And rather a bit humiliating.

I need to get my shit together. (Or do I need a break? But a break from what exactly?) 

So is this middle age? I just turned 38 a couple of months ago. Is that even a thing? Is it stress? Chronic fatigue? Or who knows... Maybe my all time joke is true and my IQ IS actually declining 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean it CAN happen.

Please make it stop.